


The Little Red Riding Hood in the Rye

by sstwinz



Category: The Catcher in the Rye - J. D. Salinger
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Alternate Universe - Little Red Riding Hood Fusion, Gen, One Shot, Short, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 10:40:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14470875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sstwinz/pseuds/sstwinz
Summary: This is the story of when I met this phony wolf out in the woods one day. It's a pretty crummy story, but you might get a bang out of it I guess.I wrote this for an English class where we had to remix The Catcher in the Rye with a fairy tale! I chose The Little Red Riding Hood!Originally written in 2014!





	The Little Red Riding Hood in the Rye

I didn’t really want to tell this story, but I suppose I probably have to, since it’s pretty interesting I guess. It’s got a talking wolf in it and all, you’ll probably get a bang out of it. This was back when I was still living in that little village. So, one day, my mother sends me out to deliver this picnic basket to my old grandma, since she’s really sick and all. I didn’t really want to go, but I said yes anyway, since she’s my grandma and I really do like her and all. She’s a pretty nice old lady, a little loopy though. She sends me birthday gifts about four times a year. Anyway, I said yes to my mother and took the basket, but then she told me I had to wear this ugly red cloak my grandma made for my birthday a few years back. It was ugly as hell, and there was no way I was going to wear it, but she said it would be nice for my grandma to see me wearing it, even though I hated it. I finally agreed to wear it, since I didn’t really care all that much in the first place, and went out to see my old as hell grandma.

My grandma lives way out in the woods, in this tiny little cabin. My mom’s always trying to get her to move closer to the village so we can visit her more. People are always trying to get you to move so it’ll be more convenient for them. I hate that.

So, anyway, I go out in that ugly cloak with the picnic basket, and outta nowhere this huge wolf comes out of the forest, walking on two legs and everything. His hygiene was really crummy. I could see fleas crawling around in all his grey fur, and his teeth looked like they were rotting or something, no joke.

I didn’t really want to talk to him or anything, but he seemed like he was feeling pretty lonely and sad, so I walked up and said hello. I’m a pretty nice guy and all, so I asked him if he might like to join me for a cocktail. He said no, then right away asked me where I was going. I hate that. People are always declining your invitations then asking where you’re going anyway. I thought that wolf was a pretty phony bastard, but I told him I was going to my grandma’s house to deliver that crummy picnic basket. He looked all funny for a second, then just turned around and left. He didn’t even say goodbye or anything, just scampered off. I guess it was because he was a wolf, and wolves have really lousy manners.

After a couple more minutes of walking, I got to my grandma’s house. I knocked on the door, but it was unlocked so I just walked in. I called out to my grandma, asking her where I should put the basket, but she just called out in this funny deep voice that she was in the bedroom. So I went in there, with the picnic basket and the cloak and everything.

My grandma is about a hundred years old, and she has terrible hygiene. She mostly just sits around the house all day, so I guess it’s alright for her, but visiting her always makes me sick. Her hair brush is full of these long grey hairs, and the sink is never clean. It’s disgusting, to tell you the truth. Anyway, when I got in the room, she was lying in the bed with the sheets really high, almost covering her head. She must have been pretty sick I guess. I could still see her horrible teeth, looking all green and moldy. It made me want to puke. All I wanted was to just get the hell out of there, but I had to stay to be polite. So I asked her where she wanted that basket, and she said to put it on the table in that same weird voice. So I told her that her voice sounded weird, and she said something like “all the better to greet me with” or something. It was the phoniest thing. I walked over to her, and then I noticed her eyes looked all weird and black. And she didn’t have any whites, they were just black all over. So I told her that her eyes looked weird too, and she said “all the better to see me with” which was the phoniest thing I’ve ever heard. I took a closer look, and I realized that it wasn’t my grandma after all, it was that same phony wolf from earlier. I told him I knew who he was, and he jumped up, still standing on two legs and everything. Then he asked me if I would still buy him a cocktail. I couldn’t believe it.

I said yes, although it was a pretty crummy thing to just walk into her house without waiting for anyone to answer the door. So we left my grandma’s and were walking back to the village to get a cocktail when I had a funny idea out of the blue. I asked the wolf if he knew where the ducks that lived on the pond in the village went when it was winter. I’ve always wanted to know that. He gave me this long grin, then he told me that he ate the ducks. That wolf was a real phony. He was a good conversationalist though. And he knew how to appreciate a good cocktail. I really got a bang out of him.


End file.
